all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
