I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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