He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
