Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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