My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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