Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
