Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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