he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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