I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
