did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your dad touched me again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
