I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
