I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
