Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
