rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wear drunk well.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
