She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
