I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
