Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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