Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
