Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
