He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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