She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
