and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
