I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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