The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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