Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
