yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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