so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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