The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
