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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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