Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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