i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
