yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
