This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
