This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
