WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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