My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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