You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it penis luge time yet?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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