whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
