nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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