I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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