Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
