the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
