she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
