Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
