hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
