Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
