I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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