I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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