Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
