What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
