some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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