He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
