never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
