i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
