I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
