tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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