remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
