She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bring me that man meat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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