All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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