I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my being single is dangerous.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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