Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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